


The Quest for Hajime's Hadonkadonk

by geronimo_stiltons_goth_bf22



Category: Dangan Ronpa - All Media Types, Friday Night Funkin' (Video Game), Super Dangan Ronpa 2, ジョジョの奇妙な冒険 | JoJo no Kimyou na Bouken | JoJo's Bizarre Adventure
Genre: Crack, Other, Piss kink, ass eating, cum river, pee-bending, toe sucking
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-06
Updated: 2021-02-06
Packaged: 2021-03-18 08:53:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 2,817
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29240895
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/geronimo_stiltons_goth_bf22/pseuds/geronimo_stiltons_goth_bf22
Summary: When Chiaki and Komaeda learn that Hajime had lost his ass a long time ago, the trio sets out to retrieve it. (I made this as a joke for my friends so don't expect anything serious or good)
Relationships: (IMPLIED), Hinata Hajime/Komaeda Nagito/Nanami Chiaki
Comments: 9
Kudos: 14





	1. An Ass-packed Beginning

“I’m fokin starving” Chiaki had just finished letting her friends win at Minecraft hunger games for the 17th that day. “And I’m tired of eating Nagito’s ass”  
“I’m tired of eating Chiaki’s ass,” said Komaeda.  
Both Chiaki and Nagito turned to Hajime licking their lips with pleading eyes  
“I’m sorry guys” Hajime stared longingly out the window “but I just can’t”  
“Why not? I want a taste of that haji-booty” Chiaki pleaded  
“I’m sorry, I lost my ass a long time ago”  
The pinknette and whitenette gasped  
“I lost to some weeaboo cuck in a battle of wits”  
“Well at least we can still drink his pee” Komaeda chimed in  
“We are not doing that” Chiaki could tell he wasn’t joking, whether it was from an ultimate or a reserve course student Komaeda loved chugging piss.  
The three gays sat in silence for a moment mourning the loss of Hajime’s ass and a delicious lunch. Komaeda stood up.  
“I know what we have to do, there’s no hope without Hajimes ass”  
“Trust me, I’ve tried to get it back but I just can’t it’s gone.” Hajime had given up that weeaboo cuck was long gone.  
“So you say but what if I used my ultimate gamer ability?”  
Hajime’s face lit up. Maybe there was hope for his ass. Chiaki fired up her ultimate ability, by smacking her pussy lips together she could use the clap sound to echolocate Hajime’s ass.


	2. A Sticky Situation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Now in Florida, our OT3 now has to deal with the consequenses of visiting the worst place on earth.

Hajime’s badonkadonk was in Florida (a typical weeaboo breeding ground) or to be more specific, Foot Kink County. Getting to Florida wasn’t hard, the gang just had to ask their local avatar, Aang, for a ride on his flying bison, but getting to Foot Kink County would be difficult. Aang dropped the group off at an Arby’s.  
“This is as far as I go, Kakyoin came here on vacation once and we haven’t seen him since” Aang made sure to remind them of the danger that comes with visiting Florida.  
“I wish we could just go home but you know this is for a greater cause” Hajime bowed in respect.  
“Very well, call me if you get in trouble” Aang hopped back on Appa and flew away, saluting them.  
Hajime looked at his surroundings and realized that maybe going to Florida was a bad idea. This place looked worse than Gundhams feet. There was no grass in sight and no Hot Topics for miles.  
Suddenly, a voice came out of nowhere “Would you be mwad if I expwoded?”  
There was a huge blast as baby gravy shot everywhere creating a Willy Wonka chocolate stream of cum. Hajime watched as he and his friends were carried downstream, while Chiaki tried to stop Komeda from drinking. 

Eventually, Hajime’s fatigue started to grate on him, the stream was too thick; he wouldn’t be able to swim much longer. He looked over at his friends. Chiaki had fallen asleep and was floating like this was the lazy river while Komeada had his shirt in his mouth to stop from slurpin up boy milk. Hajime could feel himself sinking as white filled his vision, This was it… this was the end… 

Being forced down a creamy current with no end in sight. Will our heroes make it out of this one?


	3. A Beta male has appeared!

Just as Hajime could feel the splooge in his ears, a hand pulled him out by his ahoge. He was on solid ground again, well not exactly. He was on a raft with a beautiful red-haired man looking down at him. It was Noriaki Kakyoin.  
“Hey, are you okay?”  
That line felt familiar to Hajime, It made him want to punch Kakyoin.  
“Looks like you guys got hit by a bowomb”  
“Top of the morning to you laddie,” said Chiaki, she stood up  
“Pog” They both did the secret gamer handshake.  
“What the hell is going on here?”  
“It’s the weeaboos they made tiktok about how yandere dev belongs to the gamers and now it’s a full out war between the gamers and weeaboos” Kakyoin paused, “what are you doing in such a dangerous place as this?”  
“We’re trying to get back something important from a weeaboo cuck in Foot Kink County”  
“Foot Kink County? that’s in the opposite direction!”  
“Fuck” The group looked around. The stream was too wide to swim across and swimming upstream was definitely not going to happen.  
“We only have one option” Komaeda took out his bendy straw and knelt down.  
“Don’t do it there’s too much!” Hajime shouted  
“Maybe but not if I had some help” Komeada pulled three more bendy straws out of his pocket. They knew what they had to do. With the power of friendship, our heroes broke a world record and drank the whole stream.  
“Thanks for your help guys, but drinking all that jizz made me thirsty, could I maybe have a little bit of pi-”  
“No”

The cum river may be gone but they were now left stranded in the middle of Florida. Or so they thought. Out of the corner of his eye, Kakyoin spotted a Group of wild naruto fans.  
“YEEHAW!” Kakyoin took out his lasso and rounded them up.  
“Here take these if you give them a body pillow you’ll be able to ride them all the way to Foot Kink Mountain” Kakyoin helped his friends saddle up.  
Chiaki looked around, there were only 3 “but Kakyoin, what about you?”  
“I still have business to take care of with these weeaboos, good luck, pogchamp”  
Chiaki saluted him as she began to ride off into the distance.


	4. The Last Pee Bender

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> this ones wild

Foot Kink County, they were finally there, but it appeared that someone was waiting for them.  
“Beep boop boop”  
“ Friday night funkin' guy!?!!!” Chiaki was overcome by respect for the bluenette midget, “It’s an honour”  
“I’m not sure you should be celebrating, Chiaki” Hajime had been warned about this guy before  
“Why not? All he could do is boop”  
“Haven’t you heard? This guy is one of the few remaining pee benders and he does not look happy to see us”  
Pee bending is a form of bending left mostly forgotten by the world, but there are still a remaining few who can harness the absolute power of piss. On the other hand, the FitnessGram™ Pacer Test is a multistage aerobic capacity test that progressively gets more difficult as it continues. The 20-meter pacer test will begin in 30 seconds.  
“Bop boop beep” The bigfooted boyfriend beeped as if to say “perish”.  
He whipped out his penis and bent a wave of pee at them. Komaeda looked at the camera.  
“Es hora de comer” ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) .  
Komeda slurped up all the piss mid-air, not letting a single drop hit his friends.  
“Beep bop boop beep!” The Boyfriend was enraged yet impressed, he had never met a person who had as much skill as the thirsty twink.  
“That sentence is grammatically correct, but it’s wordy and hard to read” Komaeda replied smugly.  
The cobalt haired boy pissed some more and froze his pee in the shape of a sword. He ran at Komaeda with his newly forged weapon. Komaeda simply waited for his enemy to swing his sword then took a bite. Suddenly, the boyfriend lunged forward. The piss sword was a trap! Our favourite crackhead was caught in a piss whirlpool, but as it turned out Boyfriend was actually the one who was trapped. With his belly full of piss, Komaeda now had enough energy to use his secret weapon; penis bending. Komeadas eyes lit up as he did a bending form known as “Caramelldansen”. Boyfriend could do nothing but watch in horror mixed with arousal as his dick was bent into a balloon poodle. He fell to his knees losing control of his pee causing it to fall like golden rain.

Authors note: this next passage has been translated from boopnese for the sake of the reader.  
“Very well” the humansona of sonic looked up at Komaeda, “I know when I’ve been defeated, you are certainly worthy enough to face the master, take this key, it will open the door to his fortress, I look upon you with respect as you now have my blessing”  
Not actually knowing what he said, Komaeda punched him. Then he took his key.


	5. The belly of the beast

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> we lead up to our dramatic conclusion.

Komeada’s fellow gays were impressed yet horrified, they had never before seen or even heard of dick bending. However; they had no choice but to move past it. After Chiaki made Komaeda unbend Boyfriend’s penis, the group of wheezer rejects headed toward the only building in sight: a two-story suburban house. Hajime took a deep breath. He was so close to getting his back end back, but he was nervous. His hands were shaking as he tried to unlock the front door. Komaeda gave him a foot massage to help steady his nerves and Chiaki licked the sweat off his brow. Hajime realized; that this time it was different. This time he was not alone. He found the strength to unlock the door, but before he could open the door, it swung open.

Who stood on the other side of the door could be described in one word; MILF.  
“Oh you must be friends of Milhouse, he’s in his room, go on ahead.”  
Milhouse, that was him. The cuck who had stolen Hajimes ass all those years ago. Hajime gave his friends a nod. Chiaki and Komaeda’s stomachs growled in anticipation. they all headed upstairs into the belly of the beast.  
“Konnichiwa Hinata-san” Milhouse sat menacingly in his gamer chair with his led lights set to red. There was a fold-out table in front of him with a game of YuGiOh set up, the most intellectual battle of wits. “Have you come to reclaim what is now mine?”  
Hajime looked up to see his reserve course ass, it had been taped to a cardboard cut out of Hatsune Miku.  
“You bastard!”  
“Have a seat”  
With no other choice and only one chair, Hajime took a seat on Komaeda and Chiaik’s laps.  
Milhouse smirked and drew a card.  
“I summon Blue-Eyes White Dragon”  
“Hey!” Chiaki may have been a gamer, but she didn’t just limit herself to video games, “That's an 8-star card you can’t summon that on your first turn!”  
“Oh really?” Milhouse’s eyes grew red “I can do whatever I want!”.  
Suddenly, Milhouse started glowing and grew 100 feet (you would think that this would destroy the house, but it didn’t because reality is a lie made up by the government).  
“Go ahead and try to take back your ass!” the floor shook with every word. Hajime had a feeling he would have to tap into the ultimate high school level ultimate part of his brain. Komaeda tapped him on the shoulder ruining his train of thought.  
“Hajime, I’ve already used up my penis bending and there's no way someone as useless as me could be useful in a fight so…” Komaeda reached his hands to the sky, standing up as straight as possible “use me as your sword”  
Before Hajime could respond, Chiaki spoke, “I can’t turn into a sword but I can put my epic gamer skills to use” she pulled out her assault rifle with a custom Minecraft finish.  
Hajime’s nuts felt warm with gratitude towards his friends.  
“Thank you… both of you” He wiped a tear from his face then stuck his hand high in the air and shouted, “Emo prism power make up!”.  
A rainbow glow surrounded Hajime as both his hair and dick grew in length. He looked up dramatically with his now red eyes.  
“Let's do this”


	6. The Final Showdown

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ngl I wrote this as I went along and if I knew how the fight would go I would not have made their opponent Milhouse, but now I'm too lazy to rewrite it.

Unfortunately, our heroes are about to find out why it is called Foot Kink County. Mega Milhouse took off his shoe to reveal some of the most beautiful (and giant) toes Hajime had ever seen. But now was no time to get distracted, Milhouse smashed his foot down on the ground causing a wave of solid concrete to descend on his opponents.  
“Hajime!” Chiaki grabbed the mcr fan by his long locks and jumped high into the air. Using her ultimate gorilla grip coochie lips as wings, she flew up to Milhouse’s’ face level and threw Hajime. Hajime harnessed the power of the Ultimate Swordsman and swung Komaeda with all his might towards Milhouse.  
“RRRAAAAARRRGGGH” Milhouse rawred out in pain as Komaeda poked him in the eye.  
Hajime landed back on the ground ready for his next attack.   
“Hmph, you’re better than I expected” Milhouse pulled his Naruto headband over his poked eye. “But I won’t be getting pegged today!”. His toes grew into long snake-like tubes wrapping around Hajime and pals™. Chiaki got to work shooting off the toes with her assault rifle while Hajime swung Komaeda all around him (Komaeda would bite the toes when he had the chance). But every time they would dismember a toe, two much longers toes would grow in its place like some sort of foot hydra.  
Hajime got an idea to use these pretty toes to his advantage.  
“Hold on tight, Komaeda,” He said and started to surf on the toes causing them to tangle upwards. Mega Milhouse sensed danger. He breathed out fire directly at Hajime. Just in time, Hajime dogged onto the wall making Milhouse burn his own toes. The fire didn’t miss Hajime completely, in fact, Hajime’s luscious locks caught on fire! But he didn’t have time to worry about that right now.  
Hajime vaulted off the wall shooting him and Komaeda like a rocket towards Milhouse’s good eye. Hitting him right in the cornea.  
“Damn it! How am I supposed to read subtitles now!?” Milhouse’s feet grew eyes. His toes stretched up, grabbing Hajime before he could reach the ground. Chiaki clapped her pussy, distracting Milhouse, who dropped Hajime and Komaeda on the ground.  
While Mega Milhouse covered his ears, the group had a small reunion.  
“Hajime, It doesn’t look like defeating his toes is working,” said Chiaki, still fighting off toes.  
“We could try killing him before he has the chance to grow them back?” Hajime suggested, his hair had now almost completely burnt off.  
“I don’t think so they grow back so fast there’s no way we could beat him in time.”  
Komaeda unstraightened for a second “I have an idea”

Mega Milhouse uncovered his ears to a pleasant feeling that at first, he could not place it, then it dawned on him; someone was sucking on his toes. Meanwhile, at Milhouse’s feet, Chiaki and Komaeda were sucking away. Milhouse had completely forgotten that he was in the middle of a fight and paused his toe growing to savour the feeling. Hajime gave Nagito a thumbs up. Continuing to suck, Komaeda bent Milhouse’s dick to half-mast. Hajime took a running start towards the wall and ran up it.  
When he was at Milhouse’s crotch level, Hajime leaped off flying toward his peanis. Then he took a big bite.  
“AAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRGGGGGGHHHHH” Mega Milhouse began to shrink until he was just Milhouse again. His weiner had been bit clean off. Hajime had turned back into his regular self with only one difference: he was now bald.  
“I’ll be taking this” Hajime stepped over Milhouse, to the cardboard cut out of Miku. He retrieved his hadonkadonk and put it back in place. His friends stomachs growled in anticipation.  
“Come on guys let’s go” the trio went to leave.  
“Wait…” Milhouse whimpered, “Don’t you want revenge? Aren’t you gonna steal my ass?”  
“No” Hajime walked past him, “I’m not like you…” The rooms’ LED lights reflected on his bald head as he and his friends made their leave. Milhouse knew he would never see them again, but he was grateful for they had taught him the error of his ways.


	7. An Ass-packed Ending

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Epilogue

The gang couldn’t wait to go back to Japan for their food; they were just too hungry. Komaeda may have drunk a lot of bodily fluids, but using dick bending more than once made him hungry all over again. They went back to Arby’s to enjoy a delicious lunch, so as you could guess, Arby’s food is not what they were eating. Instead, they all were feasting on the delectable goodness that was Hajime’s ass (except for Hajime).   
“Who would’ve thought a reserve course student could have such a delectable ass,” said Komaeda as he was spreading them cheeks.  
“It was definitely worth the wait” Chiaki had already had her fill and was now polishing Hajime’s head. Hajime just smiled knowing that his ass was back in place and that his friends enjoyed it so much.

They finished off their meal with a three-way definitely no homo kiss. Chiaki was in such a good mood that she decided to fly her friends home with her cooter instead of calling Aang. Our three heroes rode off into the sunset satisfied with their meal and their victory as they were blinded by the glint from Hajime’s Scalp.


End file.
